i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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