this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
