I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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