sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
