hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
