oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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