you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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