you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
