So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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