Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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