I wish I could punch you in the face.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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