At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
