I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
