the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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