She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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