The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
