judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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