Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
MIDGETS
????
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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