yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
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