Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
