the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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