We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
