The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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