Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
