I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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