I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
