I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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