There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
