He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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