I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
