Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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