is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
