p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
