Pappa wants mamma naked
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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