Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
