i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
