i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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