just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
