I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
