I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
