I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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