All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
