Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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