That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
