just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
