you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
