he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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