Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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