she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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