dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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