one might say we're banned from that church
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
