it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Houston, we have a blender
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
