So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
